The Drive By Fishing Report...

For the average fishermen, the urge to go fishing is usually proceeded by the time honored ritual of checking out THE FISHING REPORT.

Most rivers and lakes in traditional "fish bearing" areas, appear to have some sort of guru who compiles daily catch and success rates of the men and women who toil the waters casting and trolling for fish.

In most cases it is a local newspaper columnist OR river guide turned columnist who reports or gathers the information we all crave before investing our precious time into fishy endeavors.In some cases, on line fishing reports can be useful but then we all know how reliable the internet is for accurate information.

Oh yeah--I write columns on the internet. So, I take it back. The internet is a wonderful source of information, take everything you read as gospel.

Now back to our regularly scheduled program...

...Several calls or e-mails to and from guides and respected fishermen allow for a fairly accurate assessment of water conditions and "bite" of the fish.Bait of choice and actual fish count numbers also help us to make decisions as to where and how we chase after our prey.

We open our outdoor section in our local daily, and read the report like a want ad, expecting to see a report that says: "Hey A.J.--Yeah you--- grab your rod head out to the old military bridge, walk up to the first riffle upstream and cast to the inside pocket. There are thirteen steelhead sitting there waiting for about a half ounce of roe, spit some tobacco juice on it for luck and be sure to use about a half ounce of weight,let it sink to the bottom and bounce it lightly. You will feel a slight pause and heavy feeling on your eight pound test--that's a fish dummy --so lift your rod and start yelling like a little boy."

Of course, what we really get is:

Fishing is really picking up in the middle stretches of the river, with many catches being reported on roe,flies,worms,plugs,herring,small dogs and lures. Some fishermen are occasionaly picking up fish by side drifting bait while others are having some success back bouncing or picking off a few fish from the banks.The numbers of fish are generally good and guides are finding pockets of fish scattered throughout the river....

For the most part, you can cut and paste that report and use that as your fishing report for any river.

Except for the small dog part.

That is the problem with fishing reports. They are useless.

By the time you get the information, everything can change. Fishing conditions can change hourly, daily,and even by the minute, so--- to go armed with yesterdays news is just waste of time. Just ask anybody who has ever gone to a place with old information and came away with that "I should have been here yesterday" feeling.

For my inspiration to head off to the river, I need only get my fishing reports from the "drive by fishing report"???

Let me explain.

I was tooling along the boardwalk of the main drag in my hometown of Jacksonville Oregon the other day,minding my own business deep in thought of some silly idle brain cell expulsion of energy. When a voice rang out," did you hear about my fish?"

Outside of the fact, that I was not sure if God had finally answered my prayers and decided to personally have a conversation with me, I knew somebody was trying to get my attention. I looked around and there hanging out the window of his pick up truck was Jerry.

Relieved that I wasn't going to have to grow a long beard and wander the desert while carrying stone tablets, I heard Jerry holler at me again.

"Did I tell you about the fish I caught the other day?"

The fact that he asked me a second time, and was willing to slow the traffic behind him to give me some up to the minute report on fishing told me this might be big news.

"I caught a twenty-four and a half pound steelhead up on the North Umpqua."

I replied in a fashion that certainly would disqualify me from any future Mosaic job openings,and of course asked him--when?

"This past weekend."

I repeated my "first impressions" of HIS luck, and then traffic pushed him along and he was out of there.

Now that is my idea of a fishing report.

I knew it was accurate, because he added the half pound in his report. I had the location, and I had the approximate time.It was short and to the point. And for those of you that are unfamiliar with southern Oregon steelhead-- that is a huge fish.

At that point I had just received all the inspiration and information one could possibly need to go fishing.

In other words, as long as fish are present there is always the chance that I may be the lucky person to be on the other end of that battle with an incredible fish like that.

Isn't that what it's all about?

So if you need to check out the fishing report before heading out for a day or week of fishing-so be it. But really, if you have the basic knowledge of knowing where, and how to catch the fish that are present in the lake or river system. Just go. You can't catch 'em until you get your line in the water.

And who knows, maybe it will be you giving the daily "drive by fishing report" in your town.....

The Winter Fishing Olympics....

Once again the fishing world has been ignored.

As I sit watching a spine tingling, heart thumping, always tension packed Olympic Curling event competition, I can't help but wonder why a fishing event has never been represented in the Olympics.

What are they trying to say?

Are they saying that there is no athletic prowess involved when trying to flick a #12 Adams to a 20 inch ring created by the kiss of an 18 inch Rainbow trout!

Is the firing of a high powered rifle after skiing around on a pair of wooden planks any more demanding than fording a riffle packed stream and tossing a chunk of powerbait deftly into the "honeyhole" pocket containing an 8 inch stocker?

I see no difference.

But then I'm an idiot.

Or am I? Let's at least take a look at some future options for the winter Olympics, that can finally give the fisherman his due when it comes to skill and athleticism....

1) What event shows stamina and grit more than ice fishing? I propose a winter Olympic event that is comprised of ice fishing. In this event, contestants will be timed on their ability to saw a hole in 8 to 10 inches of a frozen lake surface, run in sneakers across the frozen ice to a designated staging area where they will grab up a rod, and stool, and sprint back across the ice to the open hole, bait up, and sit for hours in a fierce northern wind. The athlete then will hopefully, eventually catch a fish, pull his fish from the ice hole, drop it in a bucket, and sprint again across the ice, into a 1975 Ford pick- up truck, drive across the finish line to the cheers, flag waving,and cow bell jingling of his fellow countrymen.

More challenges? Perhaps a couple of fellas name Swen and Ole can sit across from the contestant and constantly be throwing a verbal barrage of "You Betcha's" and "Don't ya know's" at the athlete, as he or she agonizingly attempts to coax a fish out of the water.

Talk about grit!!

Of course the Norwegian contingent might not have a problem with this and be at a decided advantage.HOW do you say "you betcha" in Norwegian anyway?

We will all watch as the hole starts to skim over with ice,and the athlete frantically chips away at the hole to keep it ice free.All the while precious time clicks away as the fish only nibbles at the bait.

They can even hold this event indoors at the Olympic Hockey or Figure Skating venues. It might even make the hockey games more interesting with a few holes in the ice, and figure skating?PLEASE... a double axle into a gaping hole in the ice will add more excitement than Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan living in the same trailer park. Or they can leave a few frozen fish on the ice to help add to the Olympic ambiance.

The events could also easily be held as a "two man" competition with one athlete fishing, while the other builds an ice shack.

If the extreme thrill of the Downhill is your cup a tea, imagine if they hold the event on thin melting ice. The now famous runs of Franz Klammer and Hermann Maier will pale in comparison to the crackling of ice beneath the ice fisherman's stool as he scrambles for shore before disappearing into the frigid waters.

Talk about the agony of defeat....

2)Boat Slalom. Never mind the luge, bobsled, or skeleton(which at first glance appear to require the two major athletic skills of courage and alcohol), try standing up in a drift boat while running a classIV rapid with a 40 pound salmon stripping line off of your reel, hell bent for return to the ocean. Yes, athletes in ten layers of clothing including the mandatory flannel outer jacket, will try to stay afoot while "the driver" navigates the boulder choked channel of a stream. Not only are the contestants timed in this event, but style points are given for the degree of difficulty the athlete shows while doing "gunnel grabs", "spins", and the ever popular "aerials". Throw in a number of slalom gates, and you have the making of an event made for television. Fall in or lose your salmon, and it's sorry Charlie--see you in four years.

"OOOHHH, tough break Vern--Elwood has been training all his life for this moment, and to see it all go overboard in one instant is heartbreaking...."

3) No offense to our Canadian friends north of the border, but --CURLING!!! CURLING!! A combination of bowling on ice and a group of shop keepers trying to keep the storefront spiffy.

Gawd, the winters must be awful up there.

Outside of the obvious "sex appeal"of the Olympic Curling
events, the only thing more thrilling would be to watch Dick Cheney go quail hunting.

But, given that there is a place on the podium for chiseled curling athletes, I'm sure we could find a spot for the skilled athleticism of the Winter Fly Tying Team !
This event would obviously be dominated by the American squad, which has trained year round in a meat locker in Detroit. Size #28 midge after miserable size #28 midge, the Americans have relentlessly been training, by tying these little buggers to 8x tippet--in a meat locker kept at 14 degrees below zero.

That's minus 26 celsius for our European competitors.

There at the Olympic Fly Tying arena, in frigid weather, teams of fly tiers will take to the vice, and tie up various flys. We will watch pained expressions and complete intense concentration as athletes try to get their fingers to work in the icy cold. We will hold our breath as they try to get the hackle and dubbing just right. Precious time will tick away as they blow on their hands, and we watch split screen images of just where the Olympic hopefuls lost time along the way.

Of course,in this two day event, athletes will be judged on speed, style,difficulty, and the ability to catch and release fish.

So, here's to the athletes of the XX th Olympiad, and I will see you fishing rod in hand, in Vancouver in 2010.

Fishing For a Cause...Casting For Recovery.

Most everyone has an inspirational person in their life.

A teacher, a relative or mentor that helps to give direction to us as we fumble and negotiate our perilous way through life.

For me, that person was my sister Esther.

Truth be told, she was more like a mother to me. Making sure that her little brother who romped through life with little direction, and even fewer rules, had some form of caring discipline to keep him from straying to far from an honest life.

Some may argue that my being a fisherman and writer would make her a complete failure in her attempts to achieve that goal, but they would be wrong in expressing that notion.

Cancer is a terrible thing.

It took my sister from this earth at the age of 26. Breast cancer to be exact.

I was 18 at the time, and you just might as well have reached into my chest and tore my heart out.

Cancer at any age is scary, but to be told at age 24 that your life is in peril can be devastating. My sister handled it with the most dignity, courage and strength that I have ever witnessed. By the time chemotherapy, breast and lymph node removal,and the spreading to her bones had taken it's toll on her, she looked like an eighty year old women-yet her smile never left her soul and she still only thought of others first.Right up to the planning of her own funeral.

Didn't want anyone else to have to go through that trouble.

Esther was a teacher by trade, and a Saint by virtue. She graduated Magna Cum Laude from college, loved children, yet never realized that joy,having found out about the cancer just prior to trying for her first child.She never missed a birthday or holiday celebration. Esther loved life, was intelligent, responsible,overly caring, and generous.

Pretty much everything I wasn't.

Breast cancer diagnosis and treatment was still in it's infancy back in 1974. In fact, at first they told her to go home and not worry about it, that it probably was just some fatty cysts.

They couldn't have been more wrong.

What does this have to do with fishing? What does this have to do with a fishing blog?

Everything.

An organization called Casting For Recovery, a non-profit group of support and education for women who have, or have had breast cancer, offers weekend retreats to help promote healing both physically and mentally while learning the sport of fly fishing. The retreats are held in natural settings and offer counseling, stress relief, as well as the gentle excercise that fly fishing offers.

Casting For Recovery offers these retreats at no cost to participants. They provide lodging,meals and instruction. They have volunteer physical therapists, psychotherapists,and professional fly fishing instructors on staff. Most of all, they offer dignity and hope.

If you are a true fisherman or fisherwoman, then you can certainly understand the value of using any form of fishing as therapy,and it is great to see a program like this exist to help women get back onto the road of recovery.

What can you do?

Go to www.castingforrecovery.org

AND GIVE.

If you have ever had or known a family member or friend who has gone through breast cancer, you will know the trauma and fear that comes with it- for all involved. But obviously, for the victim itself it is life changing at best, and devastating at worst.

I know it altered my life. Almost everything major I do in my life, still comes from my sister's influence.Even my living in Oregon was influenced by a final trip we made together just before she died.Even her last months were spent giving me proper direction.

In many ways I feel that I am living two lives.

One for myself-and one that was never realized.

I recently finished my first book, The Fish wRap , which is about the furthest thing I or anybody would have ever thought would come from my hands. By no stretch of the imagination would I even consider myself a professional writer, but the book was done as a fun project and it was done to honor my sister's inspiration and is dedicated to her memory.

Also, as a dedication to her memory, I am going to give half the proceeds from the book to Casting For Recovery so that others can do what Esther never got a chance to do.

Recover.

Please give to Casting For Recovery.

Wait! Don't Throw Back That Little Fish....

Big news for all the minnow catchers of the world.

In a recent article I read near the end of January, scientists think they have discovered what is the world's smallest fish. The Paedocypris progenetica-a member of the carp family-has been found in a peat swamp in Indonesia.

The little fellar or "lady" as it turns out, is a whopping 7.9 millemeters long and has a complete vertebrae in it's tiny little "micro-carp" body.

This has the boys down at the Raffles Museum of Biodiversity Research doing handsprings and high fiving each other in what must resemble a Super Bowl like celebration.

If I had known this was going to be such big news, I would have long ago invited the research team on one of my fishing adventures, because surely they would have gone ape every time I hauled in a one inch fingerling on my three inch fly.

Now that is something to get excited about.

The article goes on to state that the new species was found in a highly acidic peat swamp on the island of Sumatra in water that most fishermen will refer to as "frog water". Dark tea colored water that is 100 times more acidic than rainwater. More important than that it states that the male "carplet" evidently has an enlarged pelvic fin and exceptionally large muscles that it uses to grasp the female during fishy copulation.

Outside of the facts that I am extremly uncomfortable knowing that the Bio boys are engaging in fish voyeurism and that the male "mini-carp" is forcing himself on the smaller female of the specie, it is exciting that in this day and age we can still find any new specie of any sort.

Of course the usual doom and gloom comes with the finding, as peat swamps are under threat in Indonesia due to fires lit by plantation owners and unchecked development and farming.

I for one, hope to make it to Sumatra soon- because this may be my only chance to make it into any record book of any kind. I am confident that with my past history of catching small fish, I will soon be the world record holder for smallest fish caught with a fly. Even as we speak I am contacting the folks at Gamakatsu hook manufacturers, trying to get them to make up a bunch of #173 size hooks, so that I can tie the world's smallest fly.

Provided the Paedocypris procrastinaticus will take a fly.

I also am contacting G. Loomis to see if I can get a .005 weight custom "A.J. Klott special" rod manufactured for what surely will become the next craze in the fishing world. You can almost see ESPN hosting the world's first Microfishing Championships of the World where heavily sponsored small fish enthusiasts compete for the BIG Bucks!!

The markrting team down at Intel better take note of this, because they will want to surely get first crack at sponsoring a "micro event " like this.

The weigh in should be an extremely tense moment, when contestants pull their Indo-Pacific Gobys, Paedocypris giganticas, and Schindleria brevipinguis, out from their live wells and leap high into the air as the winning kilograms are announced. Sprinting about fanatically with tweezers aloft, showing the world their impish trophy, and tearfully thanking the folks at Trilby Tropicals for supplying the brine shrimp bait that brought in the "smallie".

Don't laugh-it can happen!

Anyway, next time you are out fishing and feel that frustrating feeling of having another guppy stealing your bait, you might want to just double check that fish that appears to be half the size of your hook. You may have just earned your way into the annals of fishing history or better yet, earned yourself a place at the Royal Society of Londons next big fish fry......